I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
