the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
