I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
