it wasn't lemon gatorade
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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