If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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