my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
