put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
