I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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