i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
