He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We are all done wearing pants today
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
