Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize