We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
