So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
