Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
