I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
