I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
