There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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