I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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