guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
