The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
