I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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