I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
