i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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