Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This baby is an asshole
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
