Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
