well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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