I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
