I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
