What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have already put on my inside pants.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
