I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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