WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
