He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
