I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
