I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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