i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
