you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
