Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
bring money and cleavage
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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