I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
