paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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