honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
kristin has been a bad kristin
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize