new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
