I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
