there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
