do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize