It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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