Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
