Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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