I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
