I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
