I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
