"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
