Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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