I feel like abortions should bother me more
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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