I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
