I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
