You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
