Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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