If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
