Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
