You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
